Conversation Anxiety

Conversation Anxiety,’ Not Fear of Public Speaking, Is the True number 1 Phobia

“I don’t have anything to say” and “I don’t know what to say.”
SOURCE Jonathan Berent

Anticipation and fear of a conversation is generally worse than the actual conversation.
Is what I try and tell myself however I rarely listen.

For me the anticipation of a conversation or situation where I need to interact with others makes me ill. Even when conversing with people I have known a while. I fear the unknown of what might be said, what if I don’t know, what if I say something stupid, what if they ask me something?
I do not feel comfortable approaching people to speak to me as I see it as forcing them to spend time with me which they may not want to. Unfortunately I even feel this way when I really want to talk to someone or ask them something.
Why should they waste their time talking to me, when they clearly want to talk to some one else.
It takes me a long time to think through what I am going to say, how to phrase it or which key words to use. This usually takes so long that the other person has gone, the subject has changed or I just chicken out and say nothing left wondering what the response might have been.
When I say this takes a while, it could be anywhere from a few thoughtful minutes to weeks before I figure out what to say. This is also true about questions people ask me, the response only gets formulated days or weeks after the event, by which time the other person does not care or even know what you are talking about.
I realise this might make me come across as uninterested or unintelligent as I do not answer peoples questions but in my head saying nothing is better than saying something stupid or incorrect.

If you read my previous article I set myself an aim to talk to someone once per week.

Little steps

I have both failed and succeeded this month. I have put myself in social situations where I have had to talk to people on multiple occasions.
However I have been so withdrawn to actually make conversation by fear of embarrassment and lack of confidence. I have usually let others do the talking and revert back to my safe observing persona. I have made some small talk or passing comment but nothing that would be described as a conversation.

Over thinking all these things usually ends up in me being silent, awkward or ill and end up leaving the situation.
There are many unasked questions and non-vocalised conversations in my life.

So next month I will simply keep trying.